04:10pm 06/03/2005
  This is the last post that will be made in this journal.

Several of you have been added to my new friends-only journal. The username should be a giveaway. Aside from you select people, though, good luck in finding my new journal, and you'll have to comment to be added. Maybe. I'm fucking SICK of drama, so I'm leaving it behind. Easy enough, ne?

And fuck all of you who have hurt me more than you know. Two wrongs don't make a right, despite how your deluded sensabilities run. Fucking wake up.

And with that, this is Elise, signing off.
01:55pm 27/02/2005
mood: Meh.
Well...hm. That's all that can really be said, I suppose.

My leather jacket got stolen out of the lobby yesterday, and it had not only my credit card, debit card, and driver's license in it, but my CAR KEYS as well. I just had to get my poor Wookie towed so no one would steal him. ;o;

But all's not lost, really. I got a bit of a lecture from my dad, but they don't seem pissed. I called ahead and got the cards cancelled, and quick enough that they'll send replacements free of charge. I'll go to the Alamosa DMV tomorrow and get a new license. My parents are getting me a spare set of car keys and sending them to me, so when they show up, I'll go get my Wookie back, take him up to the Springs, and get him re-keyed so the keys that were stolen won't work.

I'm bitter about that jacket, though. I got it for Christmas. I loved that jacket. ;_;

It's my own damn fault for being so careless...I really thought I had brought it into the room with me when I went to bed, but apparently not...I'd been so good about keeping my things with me lately, too. >.> One slip-up's all it really takes, though. Hmph. If I see any girl wearing that jacket around here, I'll jump her and beat her down for it. I have express permission from my parents to do so. XD

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~2 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
02:31am 22/02/2005
mood: amused
LJ haiku makers can be the funniest things in the world. XD Taken from Hutta.com, here are my LJ haikus! Some funny, some rather serious, some just kind of deep. In no particular order, of course. (Fixed all "xd" to "XD", since it's all in lowercase and it didn't make sense without the face XD)

an overstuffed
armchair if i were a sin
i would be hm...yeah sloth

i would be henry
the eighth at least that way i'd
have a catchy theme

i just want things to
be the way they were when we
were untouchable

in other news my
online courses start monday
god help me o.o

go splode the english
one's pretty straightforward
i'll be fine there and

^--- I just love that one because of the first line. XDDD GO SPLODE THE ENGLISH! Anyhoo, continuing! XDD

undue agony
and i refuse to put up
with it anymore

very basically
a hormonal imbalance
surprise surprise e.e

^--- Me, in a nutshell. XD

a boot in their ass
just made me feel all warm and
fuzzy inside XD

on itunes 3479
songs 9:11:45:47 total time 13.73 gb
on the ipod same

the deer was our friends
john and erynne that deer...dear
jesus that poor deer

that deer...dear jesus
that poor deer XD at least we
were able to laugh

you have no idea
what i'm talking about XD
still mono-licious

that's not a whole lot
different from how late i
usually sleep

i hope i'm getting
better or at least will be
better by christmas

^--- That is the saddest thing I've ever read, ever. XD It sounds so...hopeless XDD

just fear me love me
do as i say and i will
be your slave you know

^--- Coolest addition to that quote EVER. XD

And, with that...I'm done. :D

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...you know XDDD
     ~See the ring of fire?~
01:11am 22/02/2005
mood: happy
Stolen from teh C-ko! So you all have to fill it out too! :D

01. Name:
02. Age:
03. Where do you live:
04. What makes you happy:
05. What have you been listening to lately:
06. Favourite film:
07. Favourite band/singer:
08. Interesting fact about you:
09. Are you in love at the moment:
10. Favourite destination:
11. Favourite quote:
12. Will you post this in your LJ?:

I'm in a really good mood and I'm not entirely sure why. But I've learned not to question it. :D

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~3 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
01:55pm 18/02/2005
mood: contemplative
You know, I've never much liked living outside of the present. The thought of the future scares me, and thinking of the future makes me reflect on the past.

I miss when things were simple. I miss when all that mattered were friends and fun, and you didn't have to worry about how you were going to make a living. The feeling of security I get from my family is both a blessing and a damnation - I know I'll always have a place to go, but I've been so tightly tethered to them that I have no idea how to make it on my own. I've never had a job. I have full coverage of all things medical under my father's insurance. I have a credit card on my mother's account that I tend to use liberally. I don't mean to make it sound like I take these things for granted - I don't, and I hate people who think I do. People really don't understand how much the "damn rich kid" comments get to me, even in jest. But...what will I do when those things are gone? Two more years until the insurance runs out on me, and the credit card expires. I'll get a job, of course, or at least, I'll try to. Who'll hire me? "You're HOW old and you've never worked?"

The basic point is, I have no idea what I'm doing. I failed out of college last semester, and had to transfer to a junior college. I'll come back to ASC next semester, but...let's even say that I finish out the rest of my major with flying colors, which I highly doubt. What then? Music teachers aren't exactly in high demand. Choir teachers especially.

I'm not my brother. He's always been the successful, independent one...me, I'm still the baby. I'm horribly dependent, both emotionally and financially. Honestly, I'm not sure I'll ever really get to stand on my own two feet. I just don't know how to. I'll always have to rely on someone else to get me by. I'm slowly making my peace with that.

But for now...for right now...I'm happy. I have an incredible girlfriend, who I love more than anything. I have wonderful friends, who I know will always be there for me, and I for them. I love my new school. Everything in this moment is just fine. And this is why I prefer to live day by day...que será, será. Whatever will happen in the future will happen. The past is over with and gone. So why worry?

All right, I'm done waxing nostalgic now XD;

P.S. - This song is GORGEOUS. Everyone should listen to it. :D

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~1 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
Now, the second part of this is MY kind of survey. XD   
12:46am 16/02/2005
mood: thirsty, but good
Stolen from Sar-chan. Vroom!Collapse )

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~2 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
07:23pm 15/02/2005
mood: good
A fair warning to those who ever plan on playing the Fullmetal Alchemist game(which I highly recommend, it's an awesome game), be ready to BAWL YOUR EYES OUT during the ending. I did. >.>

But all in all, definitely try it out. One of the better games I've seen in a long time. :D And it makes me want to watch the whole series. Is it just me, or is Al's dub voice...Linus, from Peanuts? o.O;; Seems like a pretty decent dub, but I'd rather not watch it on Cartoon Network. Edits bother me.


Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~2 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
01:42pm 13/02/2005
mood: not bad

I'm not sure if I should be proud of this or not. XD

Anyhoo, update on the prior post - all my blood work came out normal, so they have no idea what's causing my hair to fall out. My mom, whose word I trust more than the crap doctors down here, says that it sounds like androgenic alopecia, which is very basically a hormonal imbalance. Surprise surprise. e.e It's probably related to my PCOS(Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome), or that pesky little tumor on my pituitary I thought had cleared up. We're going to find a doctor up in Denver to work with me instead of these locals who have fucked me over more times than I care to count, but unfortunately, I can't get in anywhere until Spring Break. So until then, I'm going to have a few more blood tests run(they ran the wrong tests for what I probably have, hence they came back normal), and just...try to keep my hair on my head. I'm still losing a lot, but I'm trying to be careful. And I've started using volumizing shampoo so it doesn't -look- like I'm losing it all. >.>

I'm trying really hard not to be horribly depressed over this, but it's really hard. I'm TIRED OF THIS. I just want my body to FUNCTION NORMALLY. It's NOT THAT MUCH TO ASK.

In any case, I'm going to shut up about it for now. No point in stressing myself further, ne?

So, instead, I tell everyone of a sudden development.


My parents were going to the World Expo that's being held just outside of Tokyo this year, and because my dad travels so damn much, he has enough Frequent Flyer miles to get roundtrip tickets for Ryan and I too! :DDD So we'll go to the Expo, then head back into Tokyo for the rest of the week to do the general touristy stuff. I'm so excited!

Ryan'll pound me for fangirling, though. XD

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~1 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
11:25am 07/02/2005
mood: Meh.
Stolen from C-ko - a song meme!

50 Worst Songs EVER?Collapse )

I love my musical tastes. :D

So, in other news, I'm losing hair like crazy. I'm going to go see a doctor about it today, 'cause it's really starting to scare me. It's noticably thinner than it used to be. T_T I know it sounds horribly vain, but my hair is one of those very few things I actually like about my body. I love my hair. I don't want to lose it. T____T And it's making me really worry about my current health. I've been sick a lot...and I know I haven't been eating right, but who can on a college campus? No one really is, and they're all doing fine. I'm still praying that this is just a deficiency of something, like Vitamin E or something, so I can just take supplements and grow my hair back. And as much hell as people give me for drinking Ensure(yeah, I know, get out the Geritol), I honestly do drink it because it's got a lot of nutrients I know I'm not getting every day. When I was down and out with mono, and pretty much only eating ramen, I got really weak from lack of nutrition...like, since I got hardly any protein, I seriously lost muscle mass in my legs. It was awful. x.x;

I'll update after I get back from the doctor, I suppose.

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~See the ring of fire?~
01:59am 04/02/2005
mood: in a pain only girls know
My new shirts make me happy. :D One is olive green and says "1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d", and the other is black and says "WWJD(for a Klondike bar?)" XD

I'm wildly pissed off at a "friend" right now, but I'm not even going to go into it. All I'll say is she's a miserable bitch for what she's doing, what she's always done. I'm getting really sick of her hurting my friends because she can't settle down.

Going home tomorrow, and bringing C-ko, Rochelle, and Drew with me XD It'll be...amusing, I'm sure. The four of us, Ryan, and my parents? Talk about hell unleashed. XD

And now I curl up and try to ignore the fact that my uterus has apparently sprouted teeth and is attempting to eat its way out of my body. x_X

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~4 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
01:55pm 28/01/2005
mood: angry
Okay. I'm probably going to offend someone with this, but I'm pissed.

Suicide is RETARDED, and the singular most selfish act in the entire world.

And I'm fucking TIRED of having to talk people out of it. NO ONE'S life sucks so bad that you should have to kill yourself. Everyone goes through rough patches, everyone at some point thinks their life sucks, but it's stupid, ridiculously selfish, and cowardly to end it just to make things a little easier for yourself. FOR YOURSELF. No one ever thinks of the reprocussions of it! Does anyone realize how it rips people apart when someone close to them kills his or herself!?

Fuck! I'm sick of being everyone's counselor! Especially when I try to talk someone out of suicide and they dismiss everything I said and set a FUCKING DATE to kill themselves! What do they want from me? Pity? Fuck that! You know what, if you're fucking selfish enough to tell someone you consider a "best friend" the fucking DATE you're going to kill yourself, YOU DON'T DESERVE PITY. Or sympathy. Or anything! That's fucking wrong!

And this said "someone" has everything she could want. She has a fiancée. She's in college. She has an apartment, with utilities covered. Yeah, okay, her immediate family life(mother and sisters) sucks. She has two uncles who are willing to fund her entire college experience, though, and who love her like crazy. Her father adores her. Yeah, she doesn't make friends easily. But the friends she does have are as close as sisters to her. So her life is NOT THAT BAD. And she's going to kill herself, and there's nothing I can do about it no matter how hard I try, so I don't fucking know what to do.

This is fucked up.
     ~3 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
01:01pm 27/01/2005
mood: groggy
I should be in Sociology right now, but I'm just not up to it. I haven't been sleeping well at -all-, and even had to take a couple of Tylenol PMs to get to sleep last night...which unfortunately leaves me groggy as hell the next morning. I'm sorry I didn't go to lunch with you, C-ko. ;o;

The air around the dorm has been different these past few days...everyone's getting really stressed out and depressed, and it's hard to sit through. That co-dependant side of me wants to fix everyone's problems, and since I can't, I just end up feeling pretty helpless. The weekend can't come fast enough, I think.

On a lighter note, I was saying the other day that I needed to get back into a regular singing regimen so I'm not completely out of practice when I come back to ASC next semester...my plan was that I would sing through songs I'd done before in recitals and whatnot. So, instead, I joined a karaoke community. XD It should be fun, but I've got to get my hands on some decent recording equipment. ^^;;

I'm almost done with Paper Mario now :D The Russian Bomb-ombs are so damned cute XD I may try to finish that today. Not like we have anything better to be doing. ^^;;

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~1 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
03:38pm 21/01/2005
mood: amused
Nothing should ever be this fun.

It's a face transformer thing XD Put in face-front pics and...distort them! And, for your viewing pleasure, here's poor ol' me subjected to the humiliation of it all.

Behind a cut, of course.Collapse )

I would have posted a few others, but the lighting got weird on them. Apparently, if I was to be black, I'd be BLACK. XD XD

In other news, my online courses start Monday. God help me. o.O Just got the books today, and the College Algebra one already makes my head go splode ;_; The English one's pretty straightforward; I'll be fine there. And Music History...I really like the book on this one. It's having more -fun- with it than the required book at ASC did...that one was just so damned scholarly with everything, it was difficult to read. This one should be good. ^^

Hm...Paper Mario is calling, I do believe. :D Until my next update!

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~1 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
10:20am 07/01/2005
mood: relieved
Well...okay, maybe this won't be so bad after all. I'm enrolling in Trinidad State Junior College for the semester, to take the gen ed. courses that'll transfer over. They actually have music classes, too, so I can keep working on my voice!

I thought I was -screwed- on housing. The more I dwelled on living with C-ko illegally, the worse it sounded...after all, if I were to -ever- get caught, it might mean her losing her job as the floor's RA! So, wracked with guilt and having no place to live, since it seemed like all of the apartments for rent were out of my price range(I would have had to pay for it myself, too), I called the Adams State Housing Office in tears and desperately pleaded with them to let me keep my housing contract.

The poor girl on the other end said, "Um, ma'am? We work with Trinidad State, you can stay in the dorms."


So I can keep my room in Conour! :D I'll be going to a different school than my friends, but hell, I'm okay with that. It's a break from the EEEEVIL music department at ASC, anyway.

I may just do a little dance of relief here. ::Hearty jig:: :D :D :D

And thanks for your concern, everyone, honestly. ^^ It means a lot to me.

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~3 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
02:44pm 06/01/2005
mood: ...
My appeal wasn't approved.

I'm officially suspended from ASC for one semester.
     ~4 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
09:48pm 02/01/2005
mood: A bit worried, but not bad
BAM! I'm back! :D

Mexico was hella fun as always. ^o^.v We rented out a whole house this time 'cause there were so many of us...Mom, Dad, Ryan, me, Ryan's girlfriend Jess, my friend Gina, and Dad's mother. XD We had a cook there, too...oh my GOD could that woman cook. We wanted to bring her home with us.

Note of interest: watching my grandmother slam headfirst into the language barrier and still manage to communicate by means of flailing body language was fucking hilarious. XD XD

My iPod had a weird glitch that I managed to get fixed up - it refused to play any song that I had gotten from the iTunes Music Store. Well -fine- then, I'll just pirate all my music like everyone else, then! Ryan got me an iPod dock for my car, which is going to ROCK for the tedious ride back to school...three hours goes a lot faster when you're shuffling through 3,000+ songs. XD Plus, I refuse to drive on the highway at night yet(due to the whole deer escapade), so the daylight hours will make it a smoother ride too.

Mm, I may be kicked out of school for this semester, by the by. The letter I was SUPPOSED to get from my doctor, proving I had mono(so my fucking teachers will give me the fucking incompletes for the classes I COULDN'T ATTEND...you know Steiner was the ONLY ONE who did? The rest of them fucking failed me. Bastards, all of them), wasn't completed until we were already on vacation, so I can't get it faxed until tomorrow. I already got my letter of suspension. So...it'll be cutting it close, but if Sanchez backs me up on this like he said he would, I might have a chance to continue classes at ASC. Otherwise...I'll enroll at Trinidad Junior(which is just down the street from ASC, so that's convenient) for the semester, and live with C-ko in the dorm. ::Nod:: Fuck if I'm giving up THAT easy. And besides, I'd go crazy living at home and going to PPCC. Mom knows that, it's just telling Dad, should it come down to that. Grr...>.> I don't want him to think that I'm only staying in Alamosa for the social benefit. (Granted, that's a good portion of it.) I'm staying so I can keep my foot in the door of ASC, at least. I'll be going right back the next semester, so...why bother leaving?

An afterthought: those of you who read this journal who I know from college; if I do end up going to Trinidad and living with C-ko, no one can know that I'm living with her, okay? I won't have a housing contract. So if I get caught, I'll not only be up the proverbial creek, I'll be drowning in it.

And HELL if I'm staying with the music department. I hate them, I really do. And I mean "hate" in the fullest sense of the word, unlike when I usually say I hate things. I...really hate them. They've caused me so much undue agony, and I refuse to put up with it anymore. I'm not good enough for them? Fine. They don't have to deal with me anymore. I'm not going to let a bunch of overzealous, undertalented pissants ruin my love of music.

Besides, I can still teach music having only completed a music -minor-. I only need an education degree. :P

...You know, I didn't really mean to go off on a rant like this. ^^;; I just hope everything turns out for the best.

And, because I wasn't able to say it before, Happy New Year, everyone!

EDIT: Does -anyone- know where I can get a torrent or the single mp3s from Gackt's album "Crescent"? I'm desperate. ;_;

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~4 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
02:25pm 25/12/2004
mood: happy
Merry Christmas, everyone! :D I'm going to go play on my new Gamecube now. :D :D

Hey, C-ko...I got the new ZELDA game. And it's AWESOME. XD XD And Ryan's been playing the NCAA Football 2005 I got him, CU vs. Nebraska, aaaand...CU whooped, as usual XD There were rousing calls of "Cornholers" and "Huck the Fuskers" there for a while. XD XD

...You still love me, right? XD

Anyhoo, we're off to Puerto Vallarta tomorrow to celebrate the new year and take some well-deserved vacation time...mmmbeach. MmmSPF5000. XD We'll be back on the 2nd, but probably not 'til late. So I'll make an update on the 3rd! :D

Damn, that duck is smelling good. *o*

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~2 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
11:31pm 21/12/2004
  Well, the therapy thing wasn't so bad, I guess. But it's really opened my eyes as well. I've done a lot of lying, though never with any intention to hurt anyone...even though I know I have. I know I victimize myself a lot, and I'm sorry for anyone that frustrated. I always passed it off as desperate need for affection, but I demanded pity where none was deserved. I guess...I guess I'm a little more messed up than I thought I was. Maybe I -should- go do my own intensive, like my parents did. It might get me to the root of all of it.

Maybe it's because I'm still emotionally scraped raw from the whole thing, but as for right now, I'm really big on my own honesty. Ask me anything and I'll tell you the truth as far as I know it.
     ~3 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
06:29pm 16/12/2004
mood: Okay, but still pretty sad
Nyaha! I make a quiz! Take it or you suck. XD Don't feel bad if you miss any of the inside joke ones. 'Cause...they're inside jokes. ^^;;

Home now. Mooing like crazy. Miss C-ko. ToT Still really really not looking forward to family therapy thing. TOT Wanna sleep until next week!

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~6 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~
03:26am 16/12/2004
mood: grateful
XD Let me just say, you guys ROCK. In 24 hours, I've gotten rid of all six invites! I don't know why it tweaked me out so much, but thanks, everyone. XD

Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave...
     ~2 jumped through~ - ~See the ring of fire?~